My, it’s so embarrassing to say,
That I lose my temper every day.
I curse the people all around me,
And see myself drown in my superiority.
Not really a beauty, now I’m aware that I’m a beast.
My personality itself feels like a disease.
Only few can love a monster such as me,
They have no choice if they’re my family.
Even my dearest thinks I love myself better than him,
Now my hope for our future is becoming dim.
It pains me to think, write and say another word,
Knowing I’m very similar to the prince of this world.
Dear Jesus, do you still love me now?
Because my confidence has left me somehow.
Maybe things might’ve been better if I wasn’t born.
But it can’t be undone, like a paper being torn.
I’ve built and poured myself on so much expectations,
Thinking it’s perfect, but they’re my imperfections.
The people around have given up on taming the monster that is me.
I pray it’s not just the beast that the Lord can see.
Sometimes I want to die or disappear.
Then things might become crystal clear.
If they’ll be lonely when the monster leaves them alone,
Or will they be happy when I am finally gone.
Copyright Star Ashley Cruz
March 25, 2017